Ok so in my last rant I was talking about how I wanted to go to the cities. Yeah well, I talked them into it. We got here on a Sunday we planned on leaving the next Sunday but might leave a day earlier. But thats a whole different topic. It was only 2 days in and an innocent black man was killed by police. I mean, you see this stuff in like New York and other places. But not here. This hits way too close to home for me. I mean all people dying ubruptly by police is in all ways wrong if the person is innocent. But it really is messed up when you're literaly there. I mean its like 45 minutes away but its still close. And you know its a big deal when people like Kim Kardashian and famous actors are posting on their social medias about George. As they should. He deserves justice for what happened. Those officers on site should be arrested and tried in a fair trial. Even though its recorded and very obvious they are guilty. But they shouldnt be assumed as guilty until proved so in court. Oh wait...You know, a lot of people have been fucked here. People come to America for "The American Dream" but it never ends right for them. Minorities went from being beat and hated, to being loved and respected, to now being killed. They are very misunderstood. And I know how it sounds but this is true. The amount of people who are STILL racist. And some white people who think the minorities are the oppressors are really a thing. Can you believe that? Your race is the mojority of the country and you think you are the one suffering? Get over yourself. This has gotten out of control. Things have gotten too far. and nonbody is stopping it. And when they try it never workks out and they just look and sound like they are tying but for some reason it just never works. Ever.
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Disapointment. Probably one of the worst feelings besides guilt. I hate this, I have honestly felt this way too much this month. I have written about this already but I haven been trying to go to the cities with my friend Grace to get away. But I have been turned down but it wasnt as simple as that. I am told "I dont think so, but let us talk some more." Or even "we trust you, but we aren't sure. Its not an absoulute no!" as I have tears. I am not one to just cry. But this, this sucks. This definitally isnt the first time either. It happens so often its not even funny. I have family in Albert Lea and I get to see them like once a year. And my grandma would say "Im going down there, want to go?" So of course we want to and we say yes but she ends up canceling. Everytime. Then a week later goes by herself. Now with COVID there are plenty of reasons for me to not do anything and I hate that. I want ot be able to do things like every teen before. I guess this is where I should tie in something about it too. Im sick of talking about Corona. Its like an overplayed song. Im sick and tired of it. Im bored of it and all of this BS. Its just been way too long. I think its been a month and a half...Are you kidding me. Im over it. But whatever its gotten to a point where Im allowed to hang out with friends. But I really only have one friend that I hang out with and for some reason everyones getting jealous of that. And are pretty much forcing us to invite them when we hang out. Which is very ironic since they think when we do invite them its out of pitty. Totally off topic but it is what it is. But overall this has been the best I have mentally been so its whatever.
So today I tried to convice my parents to let me see my bestfriend Grace. She went to the cities a while ago and has been there for a while. I wanted to spend a week down there with her because she is literally my mental and emotional support and I cant stay away for this long. Both her and I havent been anywhere in a while. But I asked and got shot down and after we had planned everything and got all excited to go. So I have been crying for like an hour trying to be productive but not call too much attention to myself. But nobody cares anyways. I was so excited to see her and hang out for a week and we havent been able to see eachother for a while and Im just not having it. I need to see her. And its not like we would be going out its just that fact that we would be in the same town. Same house. Same room. I hate being with the same 4 people for this long. Its so irritating and Im just over it. Especially with my family. I hate it here. I need some sort of social interaction during the day with people who arent so judgy. I guess you could say I miss school. Never thought I would say that and really mean it. I get that Corona is a big deal but who am I coming into contact with? Grace and a family who has been inside for weeks? I really dont get it. They dont either though. But I dont get them and they dont get the situation. They have never gone through something like this. They have said it themselves that it would suck to be a teen right now. Cause there goes a summer as a teen. The few years where you can go crazy. But instead we are inside, stuck. And everyone is bored and not doing very well mentally. But whats new, right? Quarantine has really showed me a different side of people. The overprotective, and the good, and the awful. Everyside is being shown. And its out of control.
To be honest, it isnt so bad. Staying inside and in our yards is pretty boring but I am glad I dont have to wake up at like 6 to go to school. I wish I could hang out with my friends and go out to eat and mess around but we cant. Its gotten to a point where I am doing watching tv all the time and online shopping. I have also been painting a lot and hanging out with family WAY TOO MUCH. They get on my nerves so much now. And my dad is on TikTok now and doesjnxsjs dances, same with my sister. Its too much. I feel like part of the Kardashian family with all the fighting and drama, but like 10 minutes later everyone is over it. We have also started watching KUWTK and my dad hates it but its fine. So my sister, father and I went to this fair in Detroit Lakes and my dads friend came too with his kid and shes so pretty and funny so we decided to make it an annual thing. But we didnt have any nice clothes so we thought we would look online just to look and possibly buy if we really wanted to, who knows. So we looked for like 3 days and found stuff we liked and ended up buying it. But my sister didnt have enough money so I had to pay and she still owes me money to this day. But we still havent gotten our clothes. It said 3-11 buisness days due to Corona but its been like 14 buisness days. And everyday my sister looks for it. But today we saw the mail man car parked by our house but he walked to the neighbors. So that was a big deal with Emily (my sister). She is so annoying with things like that, she will bring it up all day, everyday. But we have to deal until it comes then we have to deal with her never wanting to take it off. Shes really something else.
Isn't it just the worst when you are talking to someone adn the whole time you were talking to them they just showed off... I really dislike that. Like I can't really talk to some people when all they do is talk about how great they are. Like I know you dont have to point everything out. I feel like when it comes to most things you should wait till other people say them about you in order for it to be okay in a conversation. Like I wouldnt just go up to someone and say "I look so good all the time, like I look so good." Like to me thats like you telling me you look better than me and usually friends like to bring each other up. But honestly not when it comes to my friend. Its just her constantly flexing things that arent things to flex. I don't know if its just me but I cannot stand when people put themselves up just to put others down. And they do it to make themselves look better. Those people are so shitty. Especially after the fact you feel like crap and they feel like 100 bucks. And honestly its so trashy of those people. I get so fed up because you are that type of person that you have to tear people down so you can look better. Or like constantly hate on people. Whether its about how they look or how they act. It makes sense when you give people feedback but like full on flexing hwo much better you are isnt okay. The fact that you cant find entertainment elsewhere, so you have to break your friends self esteem. Even with how shitty and two faced our society is, now our own friends are turning against each other. I dont know, it just seems like such a fricked up thing to do. And like how messed up do you have to be? You dont even have to say anything but nooooo you choose to frick up their day adn their attitude. Some people are just trashy.
So the past 2 weeks have been stressful, annoying and kind of a lot. So lasst weekend we had a rotary for wrestling in wrestling, which was a double over-night. So we had two days of wrestling and two nights in a hotel. (We just wanted to get there a day before becasue we had to be there by 6 a.m.) We had also brought our JV managers which by the way are all 8th graders. Yea...I know, they expected us to automatically get along with immature, gross 8th graders. Anyways, we had just gotten to the hotel adn we were starving and my friend Grace and I have a tradition, everytime we go to Bismark we go to space aliens. And so we did so and we get along with one of the 8th graders so we brought her with adn while we were gone till 2 a.m, the other two girls had guy wrestlers in their room. WHICH IS A BIG NO NO, or at least the coaches thought so when it came to us. And so we found out they did that by a wrestler that was in the room, so we asked the only 8th grader we like and she said that did happen. And some how the two girls found out. They then automatically go to the valued 8th grader yelling at her because they thought she snitched. So she came to our room crying; we then grabbed all her bags out of her old room and let her stay the night in our room. And then at that same event we had left the Ipads with the girls and we came back and got yelled at because the Ipad had been very cracked. Along with all these kids messing around and screwing up our reputation; but even before all of this we have been noticing that the coach that usually spends the bus ride asking us questions and entertaining everyone, is now barely talking to us. And if he does talk to us, it's lectures. And it has really effected the Varsity TM's and you can tell. He has been such a supportive father figure to us and it hurts he's treating us like this when we havent done anything. I know this is long but I think that just goes to show how disappointed I am about this. Especially since last year my dad has had cancer and this coach was kinda just really there for me and everyone else.
This week was the begining week of wrestling. I mean we havent done any matches or anything but I think we have one soon. But even having no duals or tournaments we still have tons of stuff to do. We had to number singlets, organize the wrestlers and make sure everything is up to date.
So this week was pretty fast. I am so relieved first quarter is already over because I am now done with art. It wasn’t that bad i just don’t like being told what to do when I am supposed to be creative. And I don’t like that we are supposed to make out art good but we also have a deadline that’s not even that far away. I only have one class that changes so I mean that’s okay because I don’t have to try to find a bunch of different classrooms. But I am kind of sick of a few of my classes. The bad thing is, the class that changes is the class that decides which lunch I have and that’s pretty crappy cause now I have a different lunch each quarter; I also don’t get to sit with my friends and I know nobody with my lunch for next quarter. Another negative to the quarter switch is the class i’m going to be in. I have to go to modern geography....like who wants to go to history. Almost nobody wants to go to history. But hopefully I can survive through it so I can go to health, and then survive through that so I can go to advanced foods. The quarter finals are going to be so rough, I don’t understand what’s going on in math right now and so that’s not going to go real well. And he thinks I know what I’m doing just because I finish the homework. Just because I finish it doesn’t mean they are right. I’m so ready but also so not ready for this next quarter to start. Oh, little side note: yesterday was halloween and that was pretty great too minus the clowns. Okay now I’m done.
This week has been a long one. Having a long week to me, isn't necessarily being continuously busy like it is for some. Honestly it just felt long. I really don't have much of a reason it just felt as so.
Monday was just a regular day. But time was going really fast in the beginning but when it comes to school time goes extremely slow. Nothing really happened except me getting peanut butter on my hoodie, that was very unfortunate. Tuesday and Wednesday were the typical days of a highschooler, drama, homework and sleep deprivation. Thursday was just as long but I felt cute so that was cool. and I worked extremely hard on my art project I was doing where I have to make shapes look 3D and then shade the background. Also in my Journalism class we had a sub that was scary and the class didn't go too well. Sorry about that by the way Mr. Tichy. Finally Friday. I felt cute today too *insert laughing emoji*. I got very hot getting from class to class today. I also got asked if I was doing the correct thing by an art teacher that wasn't mine, on my art project after I asked my actual art teacher what to do. So I doubted every second of my life after that. And now I'm working on these assignments, so that's fun. But this is actually fun, I get to rant which I usually just do to my friends so now I don't have to annoy them. Also resolved the drama. Well, that was my week. Stay tuned for more rants or random things I want to talk about. |